This quote came up in my Reader feed today, Negativity is the Enemy of Creativity, followed by short post about how if we let negative thoughts infect our consciousness it can spread like a virus to all areas of our lives.
This is especially poignant to me right now because I am about to take a very important career and life path changing exam next Thursday. It’s a state exam that requires extensive preparation and an expensive exam fee. It’s also an exam that’s only offered twice a year, so if I don’t pass it, I have to wait quite a while to take it again, which means my career goals will be delayed, again.
However, it is at this important juncture in my life I feel that the Universe is conspiring against me, impeding my efforts to prepare and study. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been afflicted with such aggravation like I’ve never felt before. I suppose I never cared about myself or anything that would benefit myself as much as I do now, so the more people and events that try to get in the way of that, the more angrier I become, whereas before, I just say a ‘cet la vie’, shrug my shoulders and brush it off.
However, through this anger, a revelation came to me. I am going to pass this test even if I get no sleep between now and next Thursday. I am going to pass this exam even if it’s the last thing that I do. I am not going let this shit happen to me again. Where I sacrifice myself, my needs, my progress so that other people won’t be upset at me for spending any amount of time on myself, for myself. I get to be selfish for me this time. Yes, I am aware of other responsibilities, but guess what, they can wait. They and I aren’t going anywhere any time soon, so, get in line.
As I transformed my anger and aggravation to drive and positivity, my preparation results got better, I feel better even though my preparation time has been routinely interrupted by one mini-crisis or another. I feel better than ever.
And I will pass this test even if it’s the last thing I do.